Song Translation: If I Surrender - Citizen Soldier
If I Surrender - Citizen Soldier
Lately I’ve been feeling so ashamed by these thoughts I’m hiding in my brain. ‘Cause I’ve been holding them down but they twist me violently. I’m hanging by a thread tonight, but this time I don’t wanna be saved
Recently, the thoughts hiding in my brain have been making me feel terrible. Every time I hold them down inside, they end up twisting me apart. Tonight I feel like my life is hanging by a thread, and this time I’m ready to let go.
So let me fall, let me break. Under everything unsaid. Just let me die ‘cause I can’t take living with what’s in my head If I surrender, surrender to the monsters in me, If I surrender, surrender to the monsters in me. Will it set me free?
Let me fall, let me die — die along with everything inside me. Just let me go, because I can’t live with this torment anymore. What if I surrender? Surrender to the monsters within me. Would it all go away? Would it finally set me free?
What’s the point of holding on like this? When no one seems to care if I exist. There is no agony like being strong when no one knows you’re sick. So sick of hearing I should stay. When I know I would never be missed
Why should I keep enduring this? What’s the point? When it feels like I’m completely alone and no one cares. There is no pain like pretending to be strong so no one knows you’re sick. I’m tired of hearing people say “you should keep living” when I know that if I’m gone, no one would even notice.
If you could see under my skin, You’d realize why I hold it in. Why it’s a fight I don’t wanna win. Why it’s a fight I don’t wanna win. If you could see all my abuse and spend a day inside my shoes, You’d realize why I just wanna lose. You’d realize why I just wanna lose. Will anyone believe the hell of being me before I decide to be the dying proof?
If you could see what’s inside me, you’d understand why I carry it all in. You’d understand why I don’t want to fight anymore. If you could see everything I go through every single day and spend just one day being me, you’d understand how unbearable it is — why I just want to give up. Or do I have to die first before anyone believes how agonizing it is to be me?